Yo so I got a job finally, I'm happy.

    Feeding urges to say awake, I've gotten really good at it. The past few days have been really good for me. I still haven't talked to my dad, I'm really  thinking about just leaving things as they are.

I had a weird dream the other day, I can't believe I dreamt of her. Still the same as always though I despised her so much, yet when she put her arm around mine I fell prey.

I like to think that I would've just walked away.

Old habits die hard.

Ever watch your ceiling fan and think you saw it move in an opposite direction..... I did. And I also saw my life was  in a different direction, yet as hard as I tried to visualize the blades continue in that direction it was but a  fleeting moment.

Morale of the story,  don't give to much meaning to everyday things/events, I think theres only three times in our lives when we give important meaning to everyday things.

1. When it's something completely new to us like a new experience.
2. When we're moving on whether it be a relationship or starting a new life(i.e. moving).
3. And finally when we know we're going to die, it's the little things that people realize they'll miss the most

 
             Yo so I read something off of Theologians Cafe- link  Which lead me to this link. Basically it got me to thinking about a particular statement that was made on the daily mail website-(the second link)

In recent years, the growing reach
of the internet and social networking
sites such as MySpace, Facebook
and Bebo has meant that the
influences to which teenagers are
exposed are not controlled by mere geography.

While this can have
positive effects, Professor Stephen
Briggs, a clinician in the adolescent
department of the Tavistock Clinic,
says it can also adversely affect the
way teenagers develop.

"With mobile phones, the internet
and Facebook you can create a
virtual world that means you need
never be alone," he says. "It means
that you don't ever have to be out
of sight — and that doesn't allow an
adolescent to experience that sense
of being a bit separate, of finding
one's self.

"It means you don't have a chance
to mature on your own; to know
who you are."

That last statement "It means you don't have a chance to mature on your own; to know who you are." it really got to me. It got me to thinking about the negative effects that all this technology has and will have on this generation. Think about it, for a lot of people the draw to social networks is the ability to receive immediate gratification (i,e comments, picture comments, messages.) it's almost like you don't even have to leave your house in order to have a "social life."

Technology is both a gift and a burden.

Rest in Peace Dead To Fall.

"If you've already given in, then you've already died" -Dead to Fall

                 I think I need to clear something up, In my last entry I wrote about a couple of people who were influencing me negatively... these were people who I thought of as "friends." It didn't take me long to figure out that if that were true the definition would have to be changed in every dictionary. These were people who are "enablers" let me explain. In Psychology an enabler is someone who benefits from another person being in a "sick role" (for example someone who is depressed may have an enabler / "friend" who tries to comfort them. If the enabler sees that the depressed person is starting to feel better and getting rid of his/her depression, the enabler will sabotage treatment, this person does not want to lose their job as an enabler. Well why would this person be so afraid of losing their job as an enabler you ask, it's simple the enabler gains self-esteem from "helping the person." That sounds like it's all fine and dandy but the truth is they are not helping and in fact are promoting the "sickness", which in this example was depression. The way it works is they help you just enough to make you feel ok about yourself but they limit this in order to keep you in the sick role.

A word of advice: The sooner you realize that those people who might be acquaintances or "friends" are not really out to help you but to use you to help feel better about themselves drop them because a friendship shouldn't be about holding each other back. I'm not saying all your friends are out to get you but if you strongly feel that that person is making you feel negativity toward yourself then you should really think about why that person is even in your life.

Unhealthy relationships that's pretty much all I've ever known, so I guess it was easy to fall back into my old ways. I've learned a lot since then and I'm going to try to make new friendships/relationships that aren't based on competitions and negative thoughts or behaviors.

With that being said If I haven't really been talking to you it's because I've been super busy with finals and school
and it doesn't necessarily mean that I dropped you as a friend.

    I like starting over. The people in my life were adding on to the problems and negativity so I dropped them, they were superficial ties anyways. For anyone who has ever had to start over, there's always this anxiety at first mixed with a bit of excitement. You're reluctant because everything you've known ceases to exist and you have to in a sense create yourself anew. I'm stoked for once though and I feel good about my decision.

Someone once said "It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."