December 14, 2011

  • marijuana addiction

    so is it real? I think for some people it is this is my first night without smoking it... before today i have smoked every night for the past 4 months. I feel good i'm occupied its one of the reasons ive started to write again. Its hard to say but i feel really low... i fucked up big time and my actions have had devastating consequences for a close friend of mine. We were busted at his place smoking pot supposedly the landlord's daughter smelled it, we were being careless, and now the landlord is probably going to kick him out. I wish i could go back and not have done this to him but i can't and honestly its all my fault one of our guys ran out of supply and i had to have it so i resorted to a shyster dealer got some stanky kushhhh and smoked it and there was a knock at the door and at that moment i swear i stared mortal terror in the face. Before i could grasp the gravity of the situation he had already punked out Jorge into admitting he was smoking weed. I can remember one time i ran out and noone that i knew had it and i literally was screaming at the top of my lungs cursing them all out i felt so deperate so anxious so uncertain so pissed off i snapped at everyone including my best friend who was only trying to help me get some but was the bearer of bad news. I missed my girlfriends birthday party and didn't even go to see her the next day. it caused a bad break up and whenever we were still together all i wanted to do was get high. I didnt even want to hang with people unless it was to smoke. i loved it the feeling of wake and bake or getting baked at night watching Netflix for hours, it was an escape from my shitty full time job and my stagnant life. A friend of mine put it into perspective for me he was always telling me to chill on that shit and stay away from kush; when you're on weed you're not moving forward or moving backward you're just staying in that same spot in your life its like you lose motivation to do anything for advancement...