December 14, 2011

  • Those nostalgic "best" friends change your life

    I think I'm going to start writing in here again a lot of things have changed so far. I can remember when i first began writing on here it was back in the heyday of dare i say "social networking" which was actually around the time when it was all about XANGA just blogging with the side effect of becoming friends with people who liked what you wrote about or liked your stupid layout... I also seem to remember the period i went through where i tried to come off as precocious as possible or as was possible for a soon to be sophomore in high school. and sometimes i wrote about my boredom about my fears about not living my life to the fullest, about wasting a summer, or writing about something noteworthy or odd that happened to me. I wanted to document as much as i could of those days as possible. Maybe I knew that the fun times were going to end.
    As i sat in my 8th period Algebra class, which i cut every chance i got, prepared to fail i thought for a couple of minutes about me and my close friends' dream where we would all become famous rockstars together and own a big house and have super hot girlfriends and we would be high school dropouts who beat the system. That's when I looked over to my friend Paul as he turned the many pages of the algebra final with a worried look on his face and then a sigh managed to escape him; It was at that very moment I knew that every close friend i would make would disappoint me and that following your dreams is utter bullshit and that promises are always broken and close friends even best friends become strangers and who you are isn't who you think you are or who you will be in the next five years. And all the stupid beliefs you thought would change because people would change, the world would change, and you would change.
    I felt abandoned i felt like it was him saying "fuck you i take back all those times we would cut class to chill at my house and play video games and drink from my dads homeade bar or drink shitty beer or play guitar and try to make riffs at my house or listen to music or be us agaisnt the world" So I did what every other creature on this planet does to survive. I tried my hardest trying to muster up fragmented memories of equations and what little i had learned wrecking my brain thinking what the fuck do i need to memorize the quadratic equation for and thinking about how whoever invented math had to be the biggest faggot ever. and when the scan-tron hit the machine only a handful of beeps were heard. I had passed with a C. A fucking C!!!!! I looked over to Paul and the look on his face had said it all he had failed. Luckily the teacher felt bad for both of us, mostly Paul, and let him retake it. He must have retaken it 3 times before he pulled of a D. As I watched him struggle i knew that our dream would never come true. I don't know what I would have done if he tore up the paper and said FUCK YOU MRS BECKMAN!!!!!!!! AND FUCK YOUR CLASS!!! I think perhaps i would have followed him followed him into uncertainty. Perhaps its a good thing that i was betrayed and i just cant see it because ever since that day I've become more jaded and numb. It's true what they say that no one will worry about you... nobody cares as much about you as you do. If i had failed would he find someone else to fill my spot as best friend and bassist of our band. All i know is that after that event things began to sour and sour bad..