March 25, 2008
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So no Hiatus... Anyways today was pretty chill I finally got around to talking to my mom and sister about my dad's behavior lately. I feel like some times I'm on pins and needles when he's around and a comment he made just threw me off. Basically he said that no one ever acts like they care when he gets home. I felt guilty because I guess there's some shred of truth to it, whenever he comes home from work no one even acknowledges his presence. But I feel like "Why should I?" I get so angry about all the times we've had disagreements and how he always found a way to bring us down with him and make us feel like shit. The way he operates disgusts me and at the same time I feel bad for him. It's like this power he has I don't know how he does it. One minute he's super pissed and then like 5 minutes later he acts as if nothing happened and "tries to be your friend again". Why does this make me angry? For the simple fact that he doesn't ever get over things he just sets it aside and uses it against you at some later time. I also hate how he always compares me to other people's kids, he does it in such an implied way. It makes me feel like he thinks they're better than me especially when ever he talks about my cousins,that are around my age, almost as if he's insinuating that I should be more like them.
Dad you care to much what people think about you, no one is perfect. People make mistakes yelling about it won't change the past. Patience... you should try it some time. Insulting and judging people doesn't make you a better person. Everyone is a hypocrite in some way or another whether they know it or not, you just overdo it. Criticism is only good when it's constructive not when it's intended for malice.
Pushing us away with your constant negativity and judgments it's a wonder we don't acknowledge you, right?
With that in mind I'm not ungrateful for all the things you have provided me with.. a home, food, clothes, an education. But if you expect me to pretend like everything is fine between you and me your wasting your time.
One day I'll find the words to tell you all this.
Comments (1)
Hm...I can kind of understand where you're coming from because I feel like that a lot of the time. My mom's a lot like your father then, I guess.
And I def have to agree with the part in which you said "Criticism is only good when it's constructive, not when it's intended for malice." That's true in every aspect, because when you are picking at someone, they don't wanna hear about their flaws and all. Advice is ok when asked for, but not just out of nowhere, especially coming from someone who doesn't seem to pay you much attention.
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