September 15, 2006

  •  EDIT: date edited 9/5/07 reason for editing: This entry was originally kept private but I decided to open it up

                          Dear Erik, What the fuck happened to you?

     

                                I've been spending alot of time in solitude thinking.. seriously thinking.  I go over the things that have happened to me these past 4 years. Something happened that changed me and I can't quite pinpoint it. Molded into something new temporarily then went back to bieng myself. I think I actually enjoyed not bieng so sour and having such animosity for the world, I always had a middle finger raised against crosses and churches. The world was a fucked up place then and now the difference was I never let it get to me before. The world came crashing down on me and I said "fuck you" today is mine and you can't fuck with what's mine. Such a carefree attitude and such immaturity. Never worried about the future lived life day by day and I was content. What happened to the kid you would ask to go flick some random person off ? and he would do it and even speak more. Such spontaneity I saw in him where did it come from? Where did it go? Living .. growing up..life in general, all have changed me for what I believe to be the worst. Consequences caught up to me.. Kharma came full circle to destroy me...This Universe went from bieng a kind friend to a backstabbing prick. The world was full of shit and somehow I managed to see the silver lining in it all. All I see now is the negative. I learned to see everyone as a potential friend. And now everyone's a potential enemy. I never cared what the world thought and somewhere  along the lines I lost that ability. No matter how much you try to dignify your fall it will never work unless you truly accept it yourself. I'll leave you with my last few words "You sold the fuck out".

                                                                                                      Sincerely,

                                                                                                       Your former self.

    Zao - Dreams That Won't Come True

    I tried again, I fell again
    To find out for myself
    It hurts
    For a lifetime
    Your picture rests there for a lifetime
    And for a lifetime i will dream of you
    I prepare the mantle inside of my heart
    With your photograph to sooth the scars
    Unable to be erased unable to be forgotten
    As i grow older
    I will dream