depressed...

Pre-ordered the new cd it came like 4 days ago. Been listening to it alongside "Your Favorite weapon" and "The Devil and God Are Raging Inside me." Daisy is fucken amazing! Anyways Kinda bad news somethings wrong with my tracker's left front shock its making some crazy ass noises almost like if something was loose and about to pop off and kill me. I have work off the next two days in a row so I guess I'm going to have it checked out.

"last night they said the fire had spread
then we said our prayers
and now the flames are burning me in my bed
but I just don't care

we all go to sleep in the same place
and in the morning, hope that we're all the same."

        So I've been reading this book and it really opened my mind further about a lot of things, in fact I can honestly say It changed my life. I want change therefore I am systematically breaking down ties with people I deem  detrimental to my happiness/change. I am no longer speaking to one of my ex best friends and his social network. Its kinda weird though because we didn't end on bad terms I made sure of that but its going to be hard because we work at the same place and all.So what should I do? Find another job? i need some motivation people... haha I've been trying to quit there for the longest. I'm learning that my past relationship experience with that one girl does not define the person i am its just my EGO has latched onto this persona of me being some kind of perpetual victim therefore i dream,think, and act accordingly. I AM NOT DEFINED BY AN EXPERIENCE I OWN MY LIFE NOT AN EXPERIENCE (SOMETHING STUPID THAT HAPPENED TO ME 4 YEARS AGO)! I AM WORTH GETTING TO KNOW AND I WILL NOT DWELL ON STUPID SHIT ANYMORE.

Get Ready.
oh and one more thing

FUCK YOU YOU STUPID FUCKEN BITCH I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR JUST A FUCKEN SLUTTY TEASE THAT WILL NEVER FIND HAPPINESS!!!

Love,
STRIKK[ER]

"Go tell him how my wrist is sore
from pulling at your insides all night
Nothing that you do is new to anything or anyone but you..."

Brand fucking New!!!
This cd is like epic.
and also Brand New's origins

So basically I'm rethinking some things, this girl and I were kinda talking and I found out from my ex best friend,Jorge, that she fucked this one fucken kid named Ryan. Now I already hate this kid just by the stories I  heard about him... Fucken drug addict little rich ass bitch!  And it doesn't help that his best friend is just one of my worst enemies, Seby or i like to call him seborhheic  haha. But I still cant get the nerve to ask her if it's true... One part of me is scared to hear yes and another just cant bridge this barrier me and her have. I can't be myself around her because shes a christian... sigh* Maybe it just wont work and thats cool I don't care. The worst part is she and Ryan were never even going out ;they were both just so horny they decided to fuck, or thats how the story goes anyways.

Getting better just need to keep my practice going.

Damn I need to practice more... time to eat, breathe, and sleep soccer mothafuckxa!!!

ATREYU is BACK!!!! They went back to their old sound!! I am so happy.xxD

      So that Sunday we played a soccer game with a group we meet up with once in a while it was fun. The next day I practiced for an hour with Manny at the park and I found my position, Left Full Back. I love playing defense it's so engaging its just a rush punking out the offense and turning the tables. On another note I still have some introspection to work over... Right now I am not where I want to be but I WILL get where I need to go. So I've been reading some literature on certain areas of life I know I need work on... It's interesting material and according to the author I have been making many mistakes unknowingly and I didn't even know it. I'm trying to keep an open mind but at the same time it's like relearning to ride a bike and it feels so strange but then again change always feels like that.

I'm going to soccer practice today with Manny and Anthony(this one kid we met while practicing.) I gotta work on my game so I can hopefully join an outdoor soccer team. Hey and they have co-ed teams haha but I don't know Ill have to see whats up. Shits been kinda lame... at this point what I'm feeling now is a mixture of both depression and anxiousness. Depression due to the fact that my life is currently in a standstill and anxiousness because everyday feels like I'm on the verge of starting LIFE but I just don't know when or if it is going to happen. I feel like a trapped boat.

     So I think it is safe to say that I'm addicted to music, I'm one of those kids that still goes to like a private owned record store and scopes it out for music that probably never gets airtime and actually buys CDs. Itunes is lame and downloading isn't the same as owning and collecting albums. Anyways things have been pretty good... no school for me this semester!! Just part time work. It's good because I really wasn't ready for summer to be over and this is like my extended vacation. On another unrelated note my sister is  amazingly cool...she got me an Xbox 360 for my birthday! Which is cool because I lost touch with video games and I hadn't touched one in maybe a year or longer. I've really been thinking a lot about things and I've come to the conclusion that I just like to self destruct my life any way possible.

"And take my memories of her with you pack your shit and leave... AND TAKE HER FUCKING WITH YOU!"