April 27, 2009

  • I want to learn how to dissociate and become separate from myself. It might sound kind of lame but I tried to do this on the way back from school. It's a corrupt coping method but it works. I want to step back and observe myself...

    I consumed your facade
    it was delicious
    yet i felt incomplete
    your personality is so transparent
    a walking disorder
     and your sense of self is a lie

    So I'm practically screwed in my photography class but I really don't care anymore.
    I always wanted to know how that felt
    to not give a damn...

    smell of sulfur in the dimly lit room
    and the pupils begin to dilate
    the clanking and sloshing
    equipment and chemicals
    creating memories in near darkness
    I'd wait for the picture to come close
    close...
    to some semblance of paradise
    I captured you in your finest hour
    when your melancholy was a repressed memory
    my negatives hold life
    preserve life....

    my model/subject betrayed me
    like paint betrays the artist
    and rests on a music sheet silence a musician

    I don't care anymore
    I let go of the dice
    and never looked back.